How Iowa Almost Broke My Spirit

I had big plans for this weekend. My boyfriend and I are huge Das Racist fans. We missed them when they came to Northfield last winter because of a blizzard, but caught them at Lincoln Hall this summer while we were in Chicago for Pitchfork Festival. Recently we have become big Danny Brown fans. This fall Das Racist is going on their Relax Tour. This tour features Despot, Danny Brown, and Das Racist playing with Lakutis. The tour went through Wisconsin, Illinois, and Iowa, but not Minnesota. The Wisconsin show was on a Wednesday night and I have class Thursday, so we decided to go to Iowa City Friday night. We knew Das Racist was playing a similar set to what we saw this summer so what really tipped the balance about the show was Danny Brown and Despot being there too, since they all collaborate. The ticketfly and venue sights both said that Danny Brown would be at the show. Doors for the Blue Moose Tap House were supposed to be at 7 PM and the show at 8 PM. We arrived around 7:45 and the doors were still closed because the band got there late. They began to let people into the show at 9 PM and music started at 9:30 for a show that legally had to end at 11:59 PM. A rap group of 4-6 Iowa college students opened with four generic songs. After they left the show really picked it up, though. Despot came out and fucking rocked it with his typical stage routine of asking the crowd who'd ever been to a rap show (Yes, I Have! At least three times! haha) and having the crowd do "aerobics" synchronized with the music. Lakutis was on stage as the DJ for Despot and for Das Racist. They were playing with an HP, unlike the Mac Book we saw them with over the summer. Das Racist played a similar set to the one we saw this summer with new tracks like "Michael Jackson" and "Brand New Dance" along with old hits  like "Rainbow in the Dark," "Rapping 2 U," and "Amazing". I was front row with no barrier in front of the stage. Victor tried to crowd surf unsuccessfully a few times and finally made it around a little bit, Lakutis pretended like he was gonna crowd surf and ran straight into my face (the fat lip lasting over 2 days), and Dap demanded that the crowd pass all pain killers to the stage. At one point in "Amazing" Heems held the mic up to my face and I totally blanked on the words. Chris and I both got noogies from Vic plus a variety of high fives from the whole band. After the show Heems said anyone could meet him at the back to talk. I went to the merch table to ask why Danny Brown wasn't with for this show and Heems told me he had to be in NYC for some CMJ shit and that they had told the venue promoter 3 weeks earlier (note that would have been prior to when I bought tickets). The venue claimed Das Racist had told them that day. They had show posters saying Danny Brown still, but the billboard outside the venue said the Iowa student rap group's name, so they had time to book an additional opener. Regardless to say the venue wouldn't do anything for us because Danny is a "supporting act," despite the 6 hours we drove to get there under false pretenses. After talking to the manager we went back and caught up with the band. We chilled for a minute with Lakutis and the tour manager, talked to Dap, got locked out of the venue, bought the white shirt they're always selling, and then ended up walking with everyone to a nearby bar. I've never just chilled with a band like that. We didn't act like they were super important people we idolize, and they just acted like the regular people they are. I'm not 21 so after a minute at the bar we decided to dip set. We left the people in the booth alone and I said bye to Victor and Lakutis by the jukebox on the way out. Vic hugged me and kissed my forehead! They were grateful we came all the way from Minnesota to see them. Actually getting to know them for a second made up for extra hours standing in heels waiting for the late show and Danny Brown not being there. It still feels like we missed a once in a lifetime opportunity and should have gone to Wisconsin. Somewhere on the internet we could have figured out Danny Brown wouldn't be there and we missed it. Will we ever get to see Danny Brown open for Das Racist? Will we see them play "Power" together? Would Despot be there to play "Huzzah" with them? In my dream world Heems, Victor, Dapwell, Lakutis, Danny Brown, Despot, El-P, and eXquire would all come to Minneapolis and play a magical show for me at someplace like the Triple Rock Social Club, where I was front row and danced my ass off in sparkly tights all night. But that probably won't happen and I need to move out East before I lose all hope! Life happens and we made a great night of it anyways. The next day we had fun plans. The two big excitements of this trip were day one seeing everyone together on the Relax Tour and day two going in this giant wooden maze. Chris had been to this maze as a child and has told me how wonderful it is for years. We drove past it on the way to Cedar Rapids/Iowa City and I got super pumped when we saw how expansive it was. The maze is on two acres and has four towers in a center square that all have different entrances. The goal is to go through the maze, get stamps at all four towers, and then find the exit. It even has doors in case you have a freak out inside and need to leave. Saturday morning when we woke up we called and found out the maze is only open memorial day to labor day and by appointment for groups of 10 or more. Are you fucking shitting me? All our plans fell apart. We gave up on anything in Iowa and headed home. For lunch we stopped at McDonald's, still in Iowa. The day before we'd stopped at one in Albert Lea MN and Chris had regretted not getting a large meal for the monopoly pieces, so he got a large this time. Then what happens? This McDonald's doesn't have monopoly pieces on their cups or french fries even though they should through October 24th. Nothing was going our way. One of those day you just go to bed and hope for better luck tomorrow. The ultimate solution? Mall of America! I bought myself some pink corduroys and Chris bought a new jacket, a pair of jeans, and ordered some sneakers. We ate Noodles for dinner and visited my cat, Linkin. We can't change anything, we can only enjoy what we have. I have memories with Das Racist I will never forget! I have a brand new pair of pants that make my ass look great and a new Das Racist shirt. I have desperate desires to see Danny Brown perform in Minneapolis. And I have hopes of exploring that maze with my friends someday, although I'm not sure, fucking Iowa. "Why do ducks fly upside down over Iowa." "Because there's nothing worth shitting on!" Too much corn, too little Panera Bread. Did I mention the place where the trailer park was adjacent to the high school football field and that was pretty much the whole town? It was creepy.